I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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