allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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