Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$