Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
