Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
