I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
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Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
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Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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