the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
