I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
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So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
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So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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