he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
