Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
