Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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