Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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