Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
high people should be assigned attendants
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
