Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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