i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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