It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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