I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
