yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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