grandma shit on top of the toilet
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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