Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
