I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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