I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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