We're like a lot better than the average bears
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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