you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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