Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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