just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
try to milk me bitch
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
