My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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