i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
