Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
