I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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