Im at strip club and am horny
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
