I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
