If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
