everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
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Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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