i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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