so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
