these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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