I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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