I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
ok first of all what the fuck
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
