I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
