I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
