just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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