I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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