he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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