I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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