I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
