It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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