and she was petting her beer can
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
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