How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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