I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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