Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
