Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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