He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I think my moral compass just broke
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
