that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
