She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
