I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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