i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
