no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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