brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
