As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
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She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
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Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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