I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize