id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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