P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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