you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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