apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.