i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
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Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.