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If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
from now on my penis is your penis
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
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