i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.